Monday, 9 June 2008

Expedition Diary – Extract 1

This is a personal account of the remarkable journey undertaken, by myself and the Old Monkey, to investigate the strange anomaly within the Lost Clinkers Cooling Tower.

Expedition Diary – Extract 1

It is not an auspicious beginning for our expedition. The weather is unseasonably bad. A thunderstorm glowers over the top of the cooling tower. I have decided, however, that the issue of this blue mist within the tower has to be sorted out – once and for all.

Cowgill has prepared my helicopter. We will rise to the centre of the mist, hover within the gas, and take samples from various matrixes. I have no doubt that this will prove that the mist is no more than condensation and not of any specific scientific or natural interest deserving protective status.

Of course, all my followers wished to come on the expedition – but I knew there could be dangers. The gases could be noxious, the updrafts could create turbulence. I decided that The Old Monkey and I would go alone.

A large crowd of well-wishers had gathered at the base of the cooling tower to see us off. The whole area was filled with all sorts of dwarfs, people, animals and birds. As I pressed the ignition button on the helicopter the brass band began to play 'Hail to Glorious Uncle’

Also a band of young badgers began to sing:

We love to hear of Uncle’s deeds;
He makes us feel so glad;
His bounty makes the poor man rich
And fills with joy the sad.

Unfortunately, the roar of the engines and the whirring of the rotor-blades, as they began to turn, drowned this splendid song out.

The Cooling Tower has it’s own microclimate and as we ascended within it’s atmosphere the crowd cheered. We were soon surrounded by the blue mist and started to take samples. All around us forks of lightening danced around the opening at the top. It was then that one huge lightening fork discharged itself through the helicopter. I fought to retain control as a strange static charge enveloped us.

“We shall have to escape out through the top !” I shouted to the Old Monkey. He nodded his head in agreement as we climbed above the mist.

Suddenly, as we rose out of the cooling tower, the storm disappeared. We were surrounded by blue skies. Outside, it was now a glorious summers day. “Well, what an odd change of weather – most peculiar!” I remarked to the Old Monkey. “Perhaps, Sir, it is best if we head back to Homeward, rather than try and descend again through the mist.”

I agreed, so we set off for the Helipad on the top of Homeward. As we climbed out the Old Monkey drew my attention to the flagpole. “Look, Sir, someone has taken down your flag and replaced it with a red one!”

I could not believe my eyes. Had one of the Badfort Crowd sneaked in and done this?

As we made our way to the elevators, the Old Monkey suddenly dragged me to one side. “Quick, Sir – hide! It’s two of the Badfort Crowd !” he said. We hid around a corner as they strolled nonchalantly by. “Looks like Uncles not going to cause a rumpus today’ said one of them. “No – perhaps Beaver has finally shut him up!” said the other.

It was clear to me what had happened. Beaver and his gang had used the opportunity of the distraction of our expedition to overrun Homeward !

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