Wednesday, 20 August 2008

The Electric Custard Pie Cannon

Beaver has stolen one of Cowgill's new inventions - an Electric Custard Pie Cannon.

He has set it up outside Badfort and is threatening to bombard Homeward unless I give in to his demands. He wants the total contents of my Treasury and all future rental income from my properties.

He has even persuaded some dwarfs from Homeward to join him - with the promise of free rents.

I took a delegation of my followers to confront him.

"We are sick and tired of you smilin' while you're makin' it, Laughin' while you're takin' it- all the while fakin' it with your charitable works!" shouted Beaver from the ramparts of the cannon.

"It's no use mumbling, It's no use grumbling, Beaver. Someone has to win - if it isn't you then it has to be me!" I retorted.

Poor people are poor people - and they don't understand - an elephant's got to make whatever he wants- and take it with his own trunk.

"Not this time!" responded Beaver "This time we win! - do you surrender?"

"Never!" I replied.

"Right! - Hitmouse, fire up the cannon!"

Hitmouse flicked a switch on the control panel. Nothing happened. He whispered in Beaver's ear.

Beaver went puce, clearly furious at this unexpected development. He shouted to the expectant crowd - "Has anybody got a shilling for the meter???"

I shouted across to him - "It will do you no good, Beaver, I have spoken to The Badgertown Electric Company and they have switched off your power supply."

As the dwarfs wandered back to Homeward, leaving the Badfort Crowd forlornly on their own, Beaver became absolutely enraged. "Life just isn't fair," he screamed "only wealth will buy you justice!"

He needs to face the facts - there's no easy days, there's no easy ways, you just have to get out there and do it - like me!

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  1. Uncle: you seem to have gone all Ayn Rand. We prefer the aristocratic dissimulation

  2. Seems to me you need to get Butterskin Mute to provide you with a giant rhubarb or blackberry and apple crumble shield. That way you can defend Homeward and have a terrific pudding afterwards.