Thursday, 23 October 2008

Deposed !

The Town Hall meeting went very badly.

I began by appealing to the villagers better instincts.

"Citizens of Homesea, I know that some of you have had you heads turned by Homesea's new celebrity status. This 'floating village' has become world renowned and this change in circumstances has brought with it fame and fortune - but it has also led to greediness. You have indulged in a starry-eyed celebration of your perceived freedom from the norms of Homeward society. But what does this amount to but an indulgence in excess? After hours drinking, failure to pay taxes, charging tourists exorbitant prices for cream teas - you are taking advantage of the situation for your own gain.

This is a distraction from the reality that is Homeward today - by ignoring rules and regulations you are throwing caution to the wind....'

"Oh be quiet! We're fed up with your rules and regulations!" shouted one of the fishermen.

"Enough!" I retorted "Homesea shall return to it's rightful place both geographically and as part of the social structures and institutions of Homeward!"

"Who put you in charge?" shouted Beaver.

"As the owner of Homesea..."

"No your not!" retorted Beaver.

"Must I remind Mister Hateman that when I bought Homeward it included the village of Homesea and..."

Before I could finish Beaver climbed onto the stage and pointing an accusatory finger at me declared "No! Hootman has checked a copy of your deeds lodged at Homesea library...Hootman tell him what it says!"

At this point the spectral figure of Hootman levitated onto the stage. I should have guessed that he would be behind this plot. He is the arch schemer of the Badfort Crowd.

In his wavering voice he began to read "I, Wizard Blenkinsop hereby acknowledge, for and in consideration of the sums set out, and give grant, sell, convey and confirm the parcel of land known as Homeward, Homeward Marshes and the coastal area from Maynards Cliffs to Flittings Point to Uncle..."

"Yes!..." I interrupted "...and that includes the village of Homesea!"

"But clearly it does not!" retorted Beaver "Homesea is no longer part of the coast of Homeward!"

I was dumbfounded. I could not fault his logic. It appears that I am no longer the owner of Homesea.

"Right!" said Beaver triumphantly "Lets put it to a vote, who wants the fat elephant to be in charge with all his boring old rules and rents and taxes!"

A few loyal villagers put up their hands.

"O.K. and who wants me in charge? - me whats brought in loads of lovely stuff - all tax free?" smirked Beaver.

Most of the hands shot up.

"Thats what I like to see - democracy in action!" laughed Beaver.

I cannot believe it. I have been deposed. Beaver is in charge. Has the world gone mad?

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  1. It's as I've always feared, sir. One stray apostrophe, thenm another, then......anarchy and nisrule!. Take comfort from the history of Athens in the fifth century: demagogues always get their comeuppance.

  2. Dear Mrs Slocombe,

    Indeed, indeed, it can only be a matter of time before the villagers see through the shiny baubles that Beaver Hateman is tempting them with.

    Yours Truly