Monday, 12 January 2009

Tips for Surviving A Recession - No. 1 Share a Bath

With the economy in a parlous state I intend over the next few months to impart some tips for surviving a recession.

Firstly, it is important to consider how to cut your household bills and share your costs.

So why not take a bath with a friend or neighbour?

One of the Old Monkey's duties is not make sure that my bath water is the temperature I like it. So he always gets in the bath before me to test it. In order to economise I am allowing him to stay in and bathe with me.

I have also opened up my swimming baths and wash-rooms to the general public on a permanent basis for the duration of our economic difficulties. As you know, I normally only issue invites on special occasions.

The baths are so mysteriously located that even I do not know where they are. When I want to go I have to ring up WASH-HOUSES 39485765764756 on the telephone and Titus Wiley, the dwarf who looks after them, comes to lead the way.

These baths are a vast expanse of water but are located at the base of a small tower.
It is a bit irritating to consider that, according to the laws of physics, it can't be there.

I have often puzzled over this and asked Titus Wiley for an explanation - but he just grins and says: "There's many things about baths, as people doesn't understand, as isn't employed there."

The building is so colossal that the end of it is only a dim shadow,

The wonders of it include a gigantic human face carved out of stone, which ejects a stream of water ten feet broad; a water merry-go-round made of dolphins, whales, porpoises, sharks and so on; and a gigantic raft which goes around the baths.

As I have opened the baths to all I could not, in all conscious, refuse admission to the Badfort Crowd.

They are extremely irritating, however, insisting on dive-bombing into the pool all over the place and upsetting the other bathers.

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