My Speech to Congress

 

 This is an extract from the speech I gave to Congress - not sure how well it went down. "Pull yourselves together. You have made a right royal mess of things and its no good going off and weeping about it. You have all been very greedy and should be ashamed of yourselves. You have let those bankers and Wall Street chaps run rings around you. An economic hurricane, of your own making, has swept the world creating a crisis of credit and confidence. Now you want me to sort it all out. First of all, no more financial shenanigans. You need only look to such great figures as the banker George Mainwaring for an example. Brave and patriotic - it was his type who got us through the war. All bankers from now on must go back to wearing pinstripe and bowler hats - and moreover, should live in modest semi-detached houses. People must save up for things - count the pennies and the pounds will look after themselves, as my mother used to say. No more ill thought spending on tawdry technological knick knacks to avoid facing the deadening existence of modern daily life. Get out there for goodness sake and enjoy the wonders of nature and the other gifts the world has bestowed on us! Why, only last week, I said to the Old Monkey "Get the traction engine out, we shall go for a steam around my glorious domain!" Climate change - I have decided to bestow the inventions of my engineer, Cowgill, upon the world! The factories of Homeward will work overtime to produce Solar Towers, Hydrogen Cars, Magic Coal, and Nuclear Fusion Power Plants. If you behave yourselves from now on, I might licence them for the world to use and give your workers something to do. Sieze the moment and stop shilly-shallying around!" Then Gordon did his speech - it was a bit rubbish I am afraid.