Thursday, 28 August 2008

Uncle Shrugged

peter said...

Uncle: you seem to have gone all Ayn Rand. We prefer the aristocratic dissimulation

Whilst it is true that many people have commented, over the years, on my aristocratic bearing it must be borne in mind that I am a self-made elephant. I do not wish to dwell on the struggles of my early life, for they are wont to bring tears to my eyes, suffice to say that I have had to work hard to gain my place in society.

As for your suggestion of the use of deception - moi?

When referring to Ayn Rand - I presume that you mean the pseudonym of that famous elephant authoress and philosopher Alice Rosybum?

A rather strange lady.

For some reason she was obsessed with me as some kind of heroic figure.

She often said that the goal of her fiction was to project her vision of an ideal elephant.

She wrote a number of far fetched books that she claimed were about me. Notably Unclehead and Uncle Shrugged.

The first title concerned my interests in the design of large towers.

I must say that this represented a somewhat overwrought and melodramatic re-telling of the creation of the architecture of Homeward.

Whilst I, of course, believe in many of her arguments about the importance of individualism I had to part company with her over views expressed in the book "I like Being Selfish" .

As a firm believer in good works, her philosophy of the destructiveness of altruism is one I can hardly agree with. The notion that it is not a moral duty or a major virtue to help the less advantaged is appalling.

Where would I be myself if not for the kindness of the person who lent me a bicycle?

Even if he was not aware at the time of this benevolent act.

Some readers have suggested that I follow the teachings of the great thinker Sir Alan Price

The cognoscenti of philosophical thinking, however, will realise that his thoughts are more attune to those of the Badfort Crowd - somewhat on the revolutionary wing.

You will no doubt be interested to know that my charitable giving will soon be put to the test.

I am to appear on the popular Badgertown Broadcasting programme "Secret Trillionaire".

I will live undercover for a week in one of the poorest areas of Badgertown doing a menial job for the minimum Badgertown wage. At the end of this period, during which I will get out and about in the community, I will decide which individuals deserve some of my money.

Be upright, pay your rent, avoid brawling and disorder, and you will find Uncle a friend and protector at all times.

Buy my Biographies here and here


  1. hello my fellow elephant

    saw that you are going incognito in the community

    i have extensive experience in this area and will be glad to provide you with advice on this for a small consideration

    a clip of me at work can be found here:

    undercover elephant

  2. Dear Mister Undercover Elephant,

    Thank you for your offer of assistance. I have been, however, taking lessons from my detective, A.B.Fox.

    He assures me that I am now a master of disguise - so I will not need to call on your experience.

    Kind Regards


  3. Worked hard doing what exactly sir? There seems to be, if not dissimulation, an elision between borrowing a bicycle and being a gazillionaire......

  4. Speaking of disguises, I bet you can't spot me in this photograph!