Beaver Hateman and the Badfort Crowd are locked up in jail and I have a very sore head today.
A band of pirates have taken over the village and are under the delusion that I am a member of their fraternity.
In order to maintain the illusion I have had to drink copious amounts of Black Tom with them.
They discovered the cache of casks of the noxious brew, and barrels of fine wines, that Beaver had hidden in the cellars of the Town Hall.
There has been a great pirate party in full swing ever since. Music flows like Black Tom and Black Tom flows like music. Like a great whirlpool of noise and brightness it has sucked in all the villagers. They have changed hats with the pirates and it is almost impossible, unless you look closely, to tell one from the other.
As you can see, if you click on the picture above, it is a wild party.
"Give us a song, Black Uncle!" cried Long John Splinter.
I wracked my brains to remember some tune from the many pirate films I had watched as a calf, and started to sing... "Fifteen men on a dead man's chest Yo ho ho and a bottle of Black Tom Drink and the devil had done for the rest Yo ho ho and a bottle of Black Tom. Beaver was fixed by Hitmouses's skewer Hitmouse brained with a marlinspike And Sigismund's throat was marked belike It had been gripped by fingers ten; And there they lay, all good dead men Like break o'day in a boozing ken. Yo ho ho and a bottle of Black Tom."
"Oh well done, Uncle, that was really rather good" said Captain Wilson.
The Old Monkey and I sneaked off to see Beaver by his cell window.
"I heard that song!" he screamed "Stop larkin' about and get us a supply of duck bombs, so that we can break out of here! We're going to give those pirates such a pasting..."
"Calm down!" I responded "This is a tricky situation, the villagers seem to rather like these piratical parties. We must attempt to seek a peaceful solution. Captain Wilson seems a jolly reasonable chap - I'm sure that he has just been led astray by that rogue Long John Splinter. This is where diplomacy and skills in negotiation, which I believe, I am blessed..."
"Shut up! you old humbug," interrupted Beaver "You're just enjoying the opportunity to show off again!"