Monday, 13 April 2009

The Adventures of Uncle, King of the Desert



I have stopped the illicit supplies of Scob Fish that were being sent to Badfort. I have also ordered that the the remaining ones be removed from the perspex tower of Goldfish Lodge and sent back to Gaby's Marsh where they belong. Everyone will be most pleased to see the beautiful Goldfish returned to their natural home.

Beaver has retaliated by spreading malicious rumours about me.


I have no doubt that he is behind the disappearance of my rental income from Goldfish Lodge. However, the only way, it seems possible, to trace what has happened to the funds is by following the tube that carries the shillings back to Homeward and finding out where they are being siphoned off.

Unfortunately, this means that we will have to travel the tortuous route set out in the A.B.C Complete Guide to Homeward.

This, firstly, entails a long journey across the desert plains surrounding Goldfish Lodge.

Luckily, my old friend, Claudius the Camel, is on hand to guide us.

For a camel he is almost handsome. He wears a small peaked cap of woven camel's hair so that he can always be picked out from the rest of his troop.

We met up with him to plan our trip.

"I am your servant Claudius, Sire, As always I have been born only to serve you, wherever you wish to go I shall take you." he declared.

A decent chap but sometimes his gushing manner can be somewhat embarrassing.

We were soon on our way and making good progress but it is not safe to travel the dunes at night.

"The bowl of night is filling up with stars," said Claudius "we must make camp."

"He means it's soon going to get dark, sir," said Goodman.

"Goodman," I said severely "Please remember I am a Bachelor of Arts, and more than used than you are to translating difficult passages!"

"The nightingale sings of the secret well and the patch of herbage where deep comfort lies" said Claudius.

What was he on about now?

"Um, it's not clear but I think Claudius is trying to tell us about the birds of the desert, and there cultural significance to the nomadic nations," I began.

"And perhaps that he has found an oasis for us to stay the night at, Sir?" interrupted Goodman.

"I know, I know, that is what I was about to say...yes, he has found a good resting point." I said tersely.

It was indeed a very nice spot, although my sleep is somewhat restless - the wind seems to be getting up.

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