Macaroon's gone mad!

I fear that I am going to have to withdraw my support for the campaign to elect Dave, the biscuit, Macaroon as Mayor of Badgertown.

He has just issued his manifesto and I think he must have lost his senses.

He is proposing that the inhabitants will be able to vote on local issues in a style similar to that of popular talent contests!

Apparently the issues will be put before them every Saturday night so that they can weigh up the pros and cons as they eat their pizza!

Already, badgers are parading around with posters proclaiming "I'm the Guv now!"



I cannot bare to imagine what might happen if this ludicrous idea spreads to Homeward.
The dwarfs are argumentative enough as it is!

I see only strife as they struggle for the remote control.

There would be the usual sob stories, as attempts are made to sway the vote - "I have a wooden leg - so please don't raise the taxes on wood." etc; etc;

Dave assures me that it is merely a sop and it will be big business as usual - but I do not think he has realised what he may have let loose!

Badgers insulted by candidate!

The Badgertown Town Council Election is underway - and already one high profile candidate has had to withdraw.

The Old Monkey's cousin, Mex Monkey, had been standing for a seat in the Potosi district of Badgertown.

He was forced to stand down, however, when it was disciovered that he had made abusive rants about badgers on Twitter.

In one post the monkey complained "the truth is, badgers are smelly." then poked fun at burrow dwellers by branding them "flea infested brocks".

The last straw was when a video was discovered of him pretending to be a member of the Badgertown police force and intimidating a monkey voter into voting for him - when questioned as to why he had no badgers with him he became abusive and claimed not to need any stinking badgers.



The incumbent Mayor, Noddy Ninety, has been accused of allowing celebrity to go to his head. He has been accused of being aggressive and of being obsessed with running the trains on time. One badger complained "he would not let me on the train - he said it was already running late and blew his whistle before I could get on."

There have even been accusations that I am exerting undue influence on the outcome by having a favoured candidate.

They say that I have donated large sums to the campaign to elect Dave, the biscuit, Macaroon as Mayor. This is untrue - I am particularly fond of the almond biscuits made by his company and have merely placed a very large order for them.

The Bad Party have a candidate, Gordon 'Fudge' Brownie, who has stooped to threatening me in a very nasty poster campaign.




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A Global Hero

Of course, being a global celebrity one becomes used to a worldwide adoring public - but the Swedish in particular are somewhat obsessed with my crusade for truth and justice! To them I am a hero - but then Homeward TV does so much to support the television output of these smaller countries.



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I have signed darling agreement

I have signed a Tax Information Exchange Agreement with the British goverment.

Of course, here at Homeward I have a very lenient taxation level.

I only charge the dwarfs 6d in the pound.

However, this has led to a number of businessmen from abroad abusing the system by becoming non-domiciled in their own countries and using my beloved domain as a tax haven.

I am all too happy to supply the British government with information on these rogues who have clearly lied about their height.



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Vile Accusations

As the Badgertown Council Election draws closer everyone seems to be sniping at each other.

The Badfort News have even drawn me into these unsavoury accusations.

Worst of all is the implication that I pay no taxes in Badgertown but have some say it what goes on there!

How ridiculous! The King is a very old friend so, of course, I am always willing to give him advice. But, for goodness sake, the only time I go to Badgertown is for tea with the old chap and a spot of shopping at Cheapman's store!

Oh, and the odd charitable function - the ungrateful lot - when I think of all the money I have lent their profligate King!

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Homevision Song Contest

Tonight everyone at Homeward has been voting to select our entrant for the Homevision Song Contest.

I know that you will all want to wish Nigel Stanislav good fortunes in the competition.

As usual, the Badfort Crowd have entered some dire dirgeful diatribe against me - 'sung' by Hitmouse.

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BAD 6 MUSIC

I see that Beaver Hateman has signed up a lot of new presenters for one of his awful radio stations that churn out propaganda.

I shall have to have a word with the King of the Badgers and see if there is anyway we can put a stop to this.